Tuesday, February 9, 2010


Well well... lets see here Hamburglar! You know I wondered about this guy from day one! Of course he is Ronald's friend, just another managing to hoodwink people in a food establishment, unbelievable! You think you are safe in the surrounding of your friends... not when we got an escaped convict on our hands that steals and speaks jibberish! There really isn't much to say about a dirty pirate like this except, don't drop the soap.

Now Grimace.....

Next we have Ronald's right hand man... none other than Grimace. He has a record of "theft" that stacks up to the roof, he used to steal milkshakes all the time. Has an unnamed mother and father (weird i know) and a grandmother named Winky. Not to mention, Grimace is extremely clumsy!! Which is a threat and deep concern to anyone in the vacinity. congratulations Grimace, you are now on the hot seat as well!

First off we have, Ronald McDonald himself. What a creepy clown.. I don't really like clowns to begin with so this man is already on my bad side. He just looks evil, and speaking of, has anyone even seen this man around anywhere? He just disappeared, like a horse in a glue factory. Quite frankly I don't trust a man who just disappears. Cool? Yes! Somewhat concerning? Absolutely! I've got my eye on you Ronald!

Puttin You on Notice McD's

ISo I am sitting here thinking like, there are icons for everything out there in the world today. If you think of something, a face associates with that image. In particular, as I was in deep thought..(I say deep thought, but really it just popped into my noggin here) guess what comes to mind?? Now friends, not only what comes to mind but who?? Well let me just tell you... Ronald McDonald and his gang. What a scraggly bunch of hoodrats we are associating McDonalds with. Lets break these scalawags down shall we? And I am going to do this in sections so bare with me hear... but lets begin this in depth break down bit by bit!

Friday, February 5, 2010


I was just thinking back on a past experience in my life.... July 25, 2003. Mission Beach, San Diego, California! People were going crazy.. why you ask? It's simple, sandcastle competition. This years winner was going to be in next months issue of "Sandcastle Grandiose". It was my dream to be in such a spectacular publishing! I had been laying out and totally cogitating my every blue print, this was going to the most majestic exhibit anyone had seen.
As I was saying, that day I began to build this beautiful piece of architecture. For 3 hours, 180 minutes I was out there laboring away like a mad scientist on his innovative new robot! IT WAS COMPLETE! But to my dismay, I turn around for 10 seconds looking for the judges to come, and what do you know? This little shit of a kid (fat and around the age of 9) was all up in my sandcastle like he was Godzilla coming out of the damned Sea of Japan terrorizing, just absolutely mutilating my masterpiece!! I wanted to choke the kid... but he was overweight, and fortunate for him, he was too young to lay an absolute merciless smack down on! So I threw, what was left of my castle, in his face and let out a bellow to display my anguish!! That didn't help... so I just went home in utter shock!
Having said that..... guess what overweight children who ruin sandcastles (and anything else someone builds) you are now on j champayne's axis of evil!! thanks a lot, i love rebuilding things after it just took me half of my day to make that one, you animal!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

on the hot seat!

well well... if it isn't justin beiber! I hear someone mention his name today, so I am like "what the hell is a Justin Beiber"?? Now friends, you may ask yourself "how could you? he is only a child"? That's exactly why I am calling him outright now, wait til you go through puberty young man, then lets hear you sing like that! I am just sayin, little kids can sing, it is only when they go through that adams apple stage where you find out where your true talents lie.. then maybe I will be impressed! Good day

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


As a new edition to my blog... I am going to start developing a lil some'm some'm called "j champayne's axis of evil". Pres. Bush had one so I can have one as well, and guess who is going on there first??? Ill be damned if it isn't the teletubbies!! Look at these a holes, dancing in someone's garden it looks like to me... NO DICE! That pisses me off actually as a matter of fact! Im puttin you on notice teletubbies, you are now on j champayne's axis of evil! Dont smile, thats not a good thing you little jerks!


I find it a little funny that our winter seasons length is depended on whether a groundhog sees its shadow or not. Personally a groundhog isn't the most trustworthy animal. For instance, the human is an enemy to the groundhog along with fox's and bobcats! If Punxsutawney Phil has humans on his "enemy" list then why on earth should we trust him to forecast our winters length!
Plus groundhogs are lazy, they love to sleep, winter is hibernation time, and if groundhogs are feeling like they need more sleep (which odds are 92.5 percent of the time they do like to sleep longer) then of course he is going to claim he sees his shadow and oh what do ya know?? another 6 weeks of winter!!! That is just great, thanks Punxsutawney Phil you are now a part of Jchampayne's axis of evil.