Monday, July 30, 2012

Giraffe's... Sticking their necks out.. Pun intended!

Take a look at this goofy piece of work.... I am going to be tackling some big stuff today... and by the picture you could have probably guessed that yes, we will be discussing giraffe's. Everywhere you turn there probably are not giraffes, when you go to the store you most certainly will not run into giraffe meat, fur, or milk. Giraffes have been a hot topic lately and I don't know how in the hell these tall goofy mammal bastards have flew under the radar for so long... so lets take a walk shall we?!
First things first, lets look at some of the facts about giraffes... number one, they have 18 inch tongues (I could call it a day after that one right)... number two, they are vegetarians and love/eat mostly acacia leaves which contain most of their water intake. I can't make this up, but they moo, hiss, roar, and whistle to communicate. I could go on all day about these awesome facts and never get bored am I right? Buuuut I am not going to do that because we need to get down to the questions nobody seems to be asking... for instance, do they have migratory habits? How do they fight, or do they (because I know vegetarians are highly passive aka soft)? And the question we are all wondering, how long does it take a giraffe to throw up? You know.... cuz they have extremely long necks I feel like it would take them a while to get something up that obscene length of throat!
After extensive research and speaking to giraffe experts... I was told that giraffes do not migrate, I know! That was a hard one for me to believe but I accepted that. I also discovered that they do in fact kick with their hooves (obviously if you have hooves you are going to use them) AND... get this right... they whip each other with their necks when fighting haha, if you don't youtube that sight soon you are missing out it is pretty unreal! 
Now, the final big question... the hail mary.... how long does it take giraffes to throw up?? Who knows? Nobody, it has been confirmed that they regurgitate their food like a cow does,but that doesn't help anybody out. That doesn't answer my question, I mean yeah that is fine but my question wasn't "do giraffes regurgitate their food like cows?"... So this will have to be a hands on experiment, let ole J Champayne in the ring with a giraffe and I will get to the bottom of this!

Monday, May 7, 2012


As my time here in Lewiston, Idaho on the campus of Lewis-Clark State College has grown to a lengthy extent I have come to the realization of one thing and one thing only. There are a TON of squirrels here on this somewhat 'wooded' campus. I have seen them time and time again, day in and day out, and only one question comes to mind... a question that has been troubling me for countless days... just burning deep down and it is driving me insane... just what exactly is the squirrel population here on the campus alone? I am not the only one to have wondered this, I'm sure. Yet, there is no hard evidence to suggest otherwise. It has got to be an overwhelming amount I mean, I gotta believe that there are a couple hundred on this 46 acre squirrel infested woodland! I have noticed that they are slowly becoming more and more domesticated, which is good news because I would love to catch one. Tag it. Then release it. Catch another. Tag it. release it. You see the trend here I hope. After I have tagged them all, I would obviously have a accurate number on the population. How groundbreaking would this be in the community? So many people would be able to sleep better at night knowing the answer to the question that has been bugging us ALL here in Lewiston am I right? It would probably be the most significant breakthrough in cities history, at least one of the more memorable. Unfortunately I am nowhere near qualified to catch/tag squirrels 'legally' and lets face the fact that I can't possible have that much time on my hands... I will have to play hero another day!

Friday, May 4, 2012

What is his deal?

It is currently 8:54 p.m., the mood is somber after a loss here in Oregon. We are grounded, and stuck in our rooms for the night, forbidden to leave the premises. Bufton and myself are rooming with Kevin McLeod and let us just say, the kid is downright depressed. This got Buff thinking, and said something along the lines of "Why are you solemn? You are like Eeyore right now". This then got us contemplating the complexities of Eeyore's character and his mannerisms.
We couldn't help but notice his depression usually onsets all of the miscues in his life. For instance, his futile attempts at making a tent are quickly put to an end by an onslaught of untimely winds or just unstable foundation choices. One can't help but think that his negative attitude directly impacts his misfortunes in life. It's almost as if he ironically enjoys the unhappiness in his life. If he had any inkling about turning his life around he would change things, for example, the way he puts a tent together, and puts his tail on... another thing that should never happen yet does often all because of his approach to life. Let me just say, if my tail fell off just one time, I would change my life and live it in a way that it would never happen again, because you only get one tail in life unless you are a lizard but that is neither here nor there. Eeyore is a donkey, and last time i checked they only get one tail.
We all know and have been around "Eeyore's", like McLeod over here. His tail would definitely have fallen off, or his tent would have collapsed today with his attitude. This poses the question, what can you do to help Eeyoreism? I mean, Winnie the Pooh tried on numerous occasions to help out, so did Christopher Robin and even Tigger. Their attempts were about as successful as Eeyore's were at making a tent. We can tell you this, after dealing with McLeod (our own personal Eeyore), the only way we were able to get him mildly happy was to buy him a bakers dozen dalmatian puppies, 14 holographic Charizard cards, and a brunch date with the CEO of Whip-strip.
Sometimes you gotta just make some lemonade with the roses that life gives you. We love McLeod and wanted him to be happy, just like the whole hundred acre wood wanted Eeyore to be happy. So remember, change is the anecdote to Eeyoreism...either that or filling all of the holes in your heart with copious amounts of consumeristic pleasures.

I would like to thank Kevin McLeod for inspiring myself and Bufton!

Monday, December 27, 2010

Mind Blowing

Giraffes have extremely long tongues (up to 20 inches), and penguins can swim really fast (up to 20 mph). But I want to talk to you about something important...... jungle gyms! The very first jungle gym was seen in 1920 by a lawyer named Sebastian Hinton. You are probably asking yourself this question "why on the earth would a lawyer invent something like this"? I asked myself this same thing, and could only think of one thing..... they are pretty awesome, and if I was in court all day trying to stick it to the man, I would definitely need a break to go climb around on some shit, legally of course.
There are so many types of jungle gyms it is hard to keep track of them.
One can only hope to have an idea as great as Sebastian Hinton's.... it really is mind blowing to think that this would have been such a huge success back in the 1920's... I wouldn't hesitate to say that the jungle gym is the the reason why the 20's were called the "roaring 20's"! Yeah, think about that!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

When life give you lemons....

It has been a while since I have updated this, too long! I apologize for my absence, but I have a story to tell....
Recently my ipod was found after a long and grueling process of searching. When I found it, I discovered that it was broke and needed some 'fixing' in the upward direction. I have been trying to weigh my options and nothing seems to make sense with me. I was deeply troubled. So I went to Facebook with this problem thinking "surely, somebody in my network of friends will either a) be able to fix it themselves or b) know of someone to fix it. Because I do not have an 'ipod guy', and clearly I need one of those.
So I post on Facebook asking for assistance with my ipod and I get a couple responses but then, something happened. At the time I was like "why is this happening, I want my ipod fixed, lets not get off topic here I need answers!" The topic of getting my ipod fixed slowly transpired into an awesome event tonight around 12 a.m. when a fire took place amongst me and a couple dear friends.
What we can learn from this is..... sometimes things in life don't go the way you want, you don't always get the questions you want answered, you don't always get your ipod fixed! Sometimes things take a turn in another direction and it can rock your world, or.... OR.. you can just roll with it and make lemonade. You wanted an answer to your ipod problem, you got a fire with some friends! I love fire!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010


Oh are you surprised? Well let me just run down this detailed list as to why Chartwells is now on j champayne's axis of evil.......
1. Your lunch ladies are facebook stalking me. There are two of them that facebook stalk me and openly admit it in the cafe when I see them! There is one in particular, she is engaged and has a kid..... the plot thickens right? She keeps messaging me on fb, and I am making it known that I am not egging this on in any way so she doesn't get any false hopes or ideas or anything.... its just too damned creepy if you ask me! I am at a loss for this particular subject right now so on to my numero dos!
2. I witnessed a fight in the cafe tonight... this wasn't your ordinary fight either, this was between two girls! I'll do you one better....CHINESE girls even! And guess what?? NO karate was used either, it was like I was watching two white girls fight, pulling hair and slapping! There goes that stereotype that all Chinese people know karate! Turns out the reason they were fighting is because, one girl said to the other that her man was cheating on her... the guy that is supposedly cheating (also a chinamen, works for chartwells) was right there in the midst of this heated battle and was trying to break it up! I couldn't really understand the Chinese dialect they were speaking so I don't know exactly what happened, I only know Mandarin unfortunately... but anyways back to my point! Although the fight was entertaining and quite possibly made my night..... I don't go to the cafe to be a spectator at a fight club, I go for the food! So this needs to be addressed asap before someone dies and then we are all in trouble!
3. The food, up til spring break was surprisingly awesome! But then after spring break, something happened and.... well to be quite honest, the food, for lack of a better word, has been shitty to say the least! SUB PAR if you will.... so we need to fix that as well!
So these are just three that I mentioned.... three of many, on my list of bugaboo's from Chartwells! I am almost to the point where I don't even want to go into the cafe anymore.... it is no longer a comforting environment.... all I have to say is thank goodness its the end of the school year!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Happy Place???

We have all heard the phrase "go to a happy place" or "find your happy place" or my personal favorite "picture your happy place" ...... ummmmm.... right! I have talked to a lot of people about this and their happy place consisted of being with their friends and family! That sounds about right doesn't it? I mean, I am happy with my friends and family.... but what about their happy place?? They can't be in our happy place meanwhile we are in their happy place, we can't be in two places at once! Lets face facts, you aren't going to split time with happy places either "oh here, come into my happy place for a little while, then we will go to yours" uhhh NO! This is like sharing custody over a child and we all know how that can be difficult real quick right?? Right? Not pretty.... nor fun! So this "happy place" could be a real problem.... how about we call it a common place where you and all your friends and family could meet and be happy?? Well my friends there is such place as a 'common place' ....... and that is how 'common place' was invented!